Bereavement in Obstetrics – Stigma Around Miscarriage

Miscarriage is when an unborn child dies between the first and twentieth week of pregnancy. It can take anything from a few days to months to recover physically from a miscarriage, and it’s likely to take even longer to recover from the emotional damage. They’re most likely to happen in the first trimester, but some happen later on in between weeks 13 to 19.

At least 10% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. This is a huge number – so why don’t people talk about it more? Miscarriages are a bereavement, so those who have experienced them should be given care and emotional support. Having said this, a miscarriage is often a private experience. It is a different kind of bereavement. Sometimes people might not feel they can talk to others about a miscarriage.

Unfortunately, some people who have experienced miscarriage have been met with comments like, “Oh, you’ll just have to try again”, and, “Well, that’s life, we have to deal with it”. These comments aren’t particularly helpful to somebody who is grieving. It can be a lot more helpful to acknowledge the unborn child as a life. Parents have a huge amount of emotional attachment to their unborn child, which others might struggle to empathise with.

In the past, women were expected to do housework, bear children and keep their husband happy. Even now, there is an unspoken expectation that you will have children at some point if you’re a woman. Sometimes there is a bigger reason behind a miscarriage – it can lead to discoveries of underlying conditions such as endometriosis, which can cause infertility. This can make a miscarriage even more devastating.

Women find themselves bombarded with questions as they get older, for example, “You should probably think about having children soon, you won’t have eggs forever!” Personally, I think it’s inappropriate to question people on this private topic. You never know what is going on in somebody’s life. I know a few people with long-term conditions that affect their fertility. It is very upsetting to answer questions about when they intend to have children. They often feel like a failure because, according to their doctor,  it’s unlikely they’ll be able to have any children. Some of these women have experienced multiple miscarriages as a result of their conditions, and the grieving does not become easier.

Bereavement in obstetrics can do a lot of damage to mental health. There needs to be more awareness of miscarriage, causes, and support for those who experience them. Also, partners are often overlooked when it comes to bereavement in obstetrics, and the focus ends up being on the person who carried the child. It is just as devastating to partners.